Posting, Lack of

I haven't written much lately but I have a good excuse. Honest.

'merika

'merika
Originally uploaded by vrai the dotty prof.

Cause in 'merika freedom ain't free!

Apparently it costs about $60,000 and comes in black, white, gun metal grey, cobalt blue, red or navy blue.

Mileage: 8-10 mpg or 18-24 km/L

Gross weight: 8,600 pounds / 3629 kg

Approximate amount of iron ore dug up (not including all the waste) to make a single H2:
19.8 tons or 39,600 lbs / 16,700 kg

I won't even begin to mention all the plastics and other materials in this thing.

boo.

The Stirke was Unconscionable and Swift, Revenge Sweet

CJ, ah my dear CJ "picked a marker up from the floor" this evening and took it upon herself to color Miss Bailey (my dog) while I was pouring a fresh batch of chicken broth from its pan. As I cleaned up I looked back towards the floor to see an excited Miss Bailey painted like some mad circus clown on his 6th bottle of malt liquor. Soon the shock and awe of the attack subsided and Miss Bailey sought revenge against the terrorist forces.

Even now, two hours after battle, as I type this AAR (After Action Report) blood pours from my many wounds and splatters the keyboard below. The pain is very real, but I must admit revenge is sweet.

A green zone has been clearly designated, a provisional government installed and battle has completely subsided. Mission accomplished folks.


GALLERY - Battle of Marker Provence

The damage is done.



Shock and awe sets in.



Miss Bailey pleads for revenge in a congressional hearing.



Bailey forces strike the elite Red Pant Brigade.



Miss Bailey suffers a direct hit to the head.



Battle subsides after hours of arduous fighting. Green zone established by Bailey forces.

Update
A reader shared his recent experience on the battlefield.

My poor old Byron suffered blue ear and white tail tip damage recently defending the hallway from invasion by a painter and decorator (admittedly his defending involves wagging tail and subduing the invading forces by licking them, not quite water-boarding but certainly effective at preventing any enemy action). Is poor old Miss B still marked or did you send in a team to dismantle all trace of chemical warfare?

Thank you Mr. Wit for taking the time to share your story with us. The clean-up team has been reluctant to approach with water for fear it will kick up noxious fumes in the Dogwet territory. I suspect the team will calm local citizens and complete the cleanup some time this afternoon.

The Catwet territory is another matter. Though suppressed, the reigning militia's Red Pant Brigade is still on high alert and has been brandishing swords and other implements of destruction in the streets. The counter-insurgency coalition met last evening and decided it may be best to let nature do the clean up work. "We want to wait and see what happens," General Dogder explained in a press meeting earlier this morning. This was in fact his response to every question posed by the press.

Fortunately the expected half-life of the chemistry used in the revenge attack is a mere two days though crews are keeping a close eye on the situation in case a cleanup opportunity arises sooner.

Brigadier General Stinkzlot of the Red Pant Brigade is still on the loose. An anonymous official released this top secret photo.

The mood in the Catwet territory is tense as militia troops still roam the streets. We are told no shots have been fired. Photo courtesy of Greenwater, LLC.

she

She thought that one day she'd make something of herself. Little did she realize she was already a well spun mass of tissue, liquids and minerals. Little did she realize her family had always thought she was something. But was she the right something? That is the question.

Quandary, abridged

quandary, abridged
Originally uploaded by vrai the dotty prof.

So yesterday I was excited to hear from my publisher that my novel, Quandary, would be published. As it turns out the selected editor is a real prick and has decimated nearly 75% of my text. Not one to just let such a travesty fly I've demanded the novel be published with the proper title suffix: "abridged."

All that muck aside, being the gent that I am, I happily publish it for you here, dear readers, at no cost whatsoever. Grab a drink, your oral fixation of choice and sit back for a nice cozy read:


Alfred is a real asshole.

Quandary - My newest novel released!

quandary
Originally uploaded by vrai the dotty prof.

I've just written a novel and am pleased to publish the ebook version for you here in all its glory. I'll shut my yapper and let it speak for itself:

Phil waited patiently for Alfred nearly every day. This is not the day Phil would choose to continue without him.

See what people are saying about my novel!

- New York Herald Tribune raves, "A triumph in eloquent brevity!"
- LA Times relates, "We were too busy covering the riots in South L.A."
- The Denver Post shouts, "More! We want more!! This doesn't qualify as a novel."
- The New Yorker cannot be reached for comment at this time.
- Readers Digest blurts, "Thank you for your submission to Laughter is the Best Medicine!"
- The Oregonian trumpets this novel, "A refreshing read for my tired watery eyes!"
- Springfield, MO's Senior Living Newspaper wheezes, "Brilliant! Now where do I get my free pancakes?"

lascivious cooking!

After sitting vacant for some time the other blog the missus and I run called lascivious cooking -- we love to spend time in the kitchen -- has been updated with some new decadent posts. Check it out if you get a spare moment! More will be posted very soon.

http://lasciviouscooking.blogspot.com/